As of December 20th, 2015, I will be legally eligible to run for the position of your Commander in Chief. This will allow me to enter my campaign for the 2020 Presidential race. This is something that I am greatly considering, although I have plenty of time to do finalize this decision.

Now, the question at hand is what would make me a more suitable candidate than the schmucks who have been filing into the Oval Office the last too many times before?

Here are some ideologies, procedures, and methods that I have for maintaining, conducting, and operating as the President of the United States of America (subject to change between date of publication and campaign, but highly unlikely)…in no particular order.

INTELLIGENCE:
Utilize the Intelligence Agencies for internal investigations into each federally elected employee (i.e. Senators and Representatives). When the voter votes, he/she doesn’t always know the full scoop of who these people are. And, only afterwards, if lucky, do they find out how big of a piece of corrupt shit the elected official really is. Once a week, a new federally elected employee will be picked at random, and uncovered to the public. I too will be subject to these investigations. The United States was founded on the idea that we are represented by our equals. Thus, the voting public should have equal knowledge of who they are being represent by.

LEGISLATURE:
If you can vote for the President, why can’t you vote for what the President does. Thus, all bills that come before me will be up to the public to vote on. My signature or veto will be determined by you. There will be no more CONFIDENTIAL MATERIAL. The Government should not be holding information from it’s citizens. All things that seek my approval will equally require your approval too.

MILITARY:
There will be no wars under my belt. Shit, the Military can go on vacation for awhile. And, if by chance we do wind up in a war, it will only be entered if it directly affects the United States. We have bigger problems within our own borders, then fighting wars that have nothing to do with us outside of them. As for other countries attacking us, this should no longer be an issue, because they will have no reason to hate us for pushing our views on them anymore. We leave them alone, and they will leave us alone. And, if they don't want us to leave them alone because of some vested interest, then they can feel our wrath. We will not be the initiators, though, of any military assaults, especially those that do not have anything to do with the United States. I want our troops to live to have grandchildren who too might serve this country, rather than dead soldiers who dies for a cause that was skewed by greed.

IMMIGRATION:
The world is too overpopulated, and the United States is a large slice of the population pie. A result of this finds immigrants fleeing to our country by the thousands. Thus, I have established three standards for entry: 1) speak English, 2) speak English, and 3) speak English. The Constitution is written in English, and that is our law of the land. If it can’t be understood to it’s fullest intent, then there is no place for that immigrant in this country. Other languages are welcome, but one must know how to read, write, and speak basic English. And, since illegal immigrants can't vote in our elections, I will not feel bad by saying that illegals will be deported back to their original countries. Besides the English standard, if one wants to stay in the United States, one better follow the process as an American would do if he/she was entering another foreign country.

CRIME:
The Death Penalty is coming back and coming back strong. First, this will help fix the issue of overpopulation, and second it will clear up some space in our prisons. We make too many exceptions to crime. Crime will be simple: If you commit one, you will die! I bet crime slows down drastically. We will start with those who openly confess their guilt to a crime, then murderers, sex offenders, and drug abusers and dealers. These are the worst of the worst who offer nothing to society, and so why should the tax payer have to foot the bill to keep these people alive. Fuck-em! If you do the crime, you will do the time...living in the dark side of hell...paved down the path of death row.

STATES:
Once upon a time, land was purchased, sold, and traded like baseball cards. What happened? This used to be America’s pastime. Well, I miss the good ol’ days. Thus, we are getting rid of some States, which will again save the tax payer money on the number of investigations that the Intelligence Agencies must conduct for the federally elected employees. First, say goodbye to all the Territories. We are the United STATES! Next I’ll merge North and South Dakotas with Montana and Wyoming, so you have a land mass almost 68% larger than Texas (392,689 to 268,601 square miles), but a combined population 2.4 times smaller (8,572,800 to 20,851,800 estimated). We can do the same sort of condensing by merging Delaware with Maryland, Vermont with new Hampshire, and Connecticut with Rhode Island. We just eliminated 12 Senators. And what about Hawaii and Alaska? They are about as far away from the Continental United States as Elian Gonzalez's chances of becoming a United States Citizen back during the Florida Cuban outcry to keep this kid here in the States. And, back to Texas...what has been so good to come out of Texas besides Texas Toast? What a useless large plot of land. Texas is getting sold back to Mexico. WAIT!!! I took my honeymoon to Alaska during the summer of 2006, while reading Greg Palast's Armed Madhouse on the plane. Alaska will remain a state as proof that the United States is not complete washed with filth. Texas on the other hand...read below!

OIL:
It seems as if we have been revolving around oil. We go to war with Iraq, which I know was oil driven. We hate Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez because he charges us more than we want to pay for his oil. Gas prices have sky rocketed in recent years to the point that some can’t even afford to drive to work because they can’t afford the gas. And, the government has never enforced any strict regulations on automobile manufacturers to develop more efficient modes of transportation. I plan to enforce higher standards on our automobile manufacturers. And, for the mean time, going back to not bothering other countries, for the oil that we still need, it is time to tap into our own reserves. Too many lives have been lost over the same oil that we could have just gotten from our own backyard. Hence Texas. Since we 1) are going to try to eliminate such an abundant need for oil and oil products, we will no longer need to purchase this resource from other nations. 2) Since the men from Texas are in bed with the men from the Oil Producing countries, we will make Texas as our hot spot for pumping. You feel bad when a seal gets hurt from an oil spill, but you probably won't even squint at the idea of a Texan getting oiled.

TAXES:
Taxes will be paid according to your income. Similar to how they are now, but more proportionate. If you make a little, you will pay a little. If you make a lot, you pay a lot of taxes. Why? Because it is fair. Tax breaks will never go to the rich so that they can ‘stimulate the economy.’ They already have enough money to do all the stimulating they want. Tax relief will go to those who probably could use it most, the lower class. If all goes well, you will get the most for your tax money.

EMPLOYMENT:
Jobs are few and far between in these specific times. Part of the problem is that the gap between the upper and lower classes is growing exponentially apart from one another. This gap comes from the lower classes losing their jobs as the upper class sends those jobs overseas to other countries. How can this be fixed? I intend to tax companies more duties on items manufactured overseas, which will cancel out the profit margin they had from farming out these jobs. Next, as an incentive to offering jobs domestically, I propose the offering of an employee tax credit for each employee (remember, English speaking) that the company has here in the States. Also, jobs must be able to provide a standard of living that one can actually live off of. If this means that the boss can’t get the extra cup holder in his Bentley, because he has to pay his employees enough so that they can afford the water bill to fill a cup at home, too bad.

PROGRAMS:
Government programs like Social Security and Welfare will slowly bow out. With a better job atmosphere, those who wake up in the morning and work will have the opportunity at living a more fruitful life. Those who don’t work and want to exploit our Federal Systems, are better off committing a crime, so that we can execute and rid their un-productivity (those with disabilities are exempt and will continue to receive funding). By working hard, like the rest of us, and then being responsible with your money, you should be able to provide for you and your family now, and save for the future. You should feel comfortable knowing that all the money that would have been taken our of your paycheck for Social Security, will now be yours to keep and invest any way you feel needed. However, you will solely be responsible for your own retirement, which you can also now do anytime that you feel ready to. There will be no more complaining about the next generation will never see a Social Security dollar, or how they will have to be 90 years old to start receiving benefits. With my plan, you can retire when ever the hell you want to, as the burden of retirement will be on you. Welfare will also be strictly regulated with a "window of opportunity." Here is an idea: Get a job and/or don't have 8 kids by the time you are 20, and you won't need welfare.

JURY-DUTY:
Wanting to give the benefit of the doubt to our peers, do you trust a group of them to decide the outcome of your life? Do you trust the lawyers who's job is to try to CONVINCE you of their side of the argument? My plan: as part of signing up to be a lawyer, they are the ones who must sit on the jury. Who knows the law better than a lawyer? Anyhow, how much of the law does the average citizen know. Yes, the judge informs you of what exactly you are deciding. However, objectively, I don't believe a jury is reliable, especially after all the preemptory challenges and all other lawyer biased juror removals, you are left with not a cross section of the peer population pie, but now a very specific group of individuals who were chosen strategically to serve a role in winning the case for the lawyer, regardless of the evidence.

EDUCATION:
Very simple, teachers get more money to teach what they are knowledgeable to teach. Teachers will stop teaching for standardized tests. Students will be responsible for learning the material. If a student can’t pass his classes, he or she will be left behind. The should be 5th grader, who still is in 2nd grade, will get motivated to learn the material, fast, when all the other kids start making fun of them. However, the teachers will also be held accountable for making sure that the students are given an equal environment to learn. Teachers WILL teach and students WILL learn. This is the fundamentals of education. It is quite elementary. If a kid does not learn, he/she WILL BE LEFT BEHIND.

PRESS:
I owe them nothing. Press Conferences? Press Releases? Press Secretary? Press Briefings? The Press means nothing to me. Since when does politics cater to the press? They should only feel so privileged. That is my statement, and I can tell the press that myself!

STATE-OF-THE-UNION:
Each year the President wastes our time, over biased standing-os, feeding the viewing public false hopes and open ended promises. I will not do this. I look at the State-of-the-Union address as a chance to inform the country of the state of the union. Thus, I will do just that, while using color codes: WHITE - Really Shitty; YELLOW - A little Shitty; ORANGE - Could be better; RED - Not to shabby; BLACK - Super, thanks for asking. And, what makes this fairer, is that government employees will now be paid according to the State of the Union. If the country is good, they’ll get paid good. If the country is doing bad, they’ll get paid bad. And, to make sure that there is no inside influence, the State of the Union will again be decided by the voting public.

* * ENVIRONMENT (NEW):
I had left this out the first time around, clearly showing how high the environment is on my list of priorities. However, it is, and I greatly care about the environment. So what can I do about the environment? We can go back and start with the issue of oil. The entire global warming and o-zone is enough to make me gag, maybe from the way they force feed the theory down your throat, or maybe from the exhaust that is causing this big hole in our atmosphere. Nonetheless, if you eliminate automobile exhaust, it is at least a start. Second, I want more parks for children to play in. (LOOK UP STANLEY PARK IN VANCOUVER). Since we will be executing all the sex offenders and junkies -- those caught and found guilty -- you can feel safe allowing your kids to play freely in parks. Parks will be defined by having grass and trees (remember I am from Miami where parks have been converted to condos, and thus, I have no real concept of what I park is). And, better yet, these parks will be free to all to enjoy. What else can we do for the environment? We can offer can/bottle return centers in all 50 states. I am tired of not being able to get my nickel per can, because I do not live in Delaware. This is small potatoes, but it would promote recycling a lot more.

* * HEALTHCARE (NEW):
This is a simple concept as to where our problems lie: Everyone needs health care, but very few can either afford it or have it. So, what do we do? There are two directions we can go -- The European Model, or the Middle Finger Model. Let us start with the European Model...In Europe, you would pay higher taxes, but have complete healthcare. More taxes automatically put you in cringe mode. However, it is a small sacrifice one might want to consider making if they want to be taken care of in the odd circumstances that you need to get something fixed by way of surgery or medication. I mean, we all do die at some point. Imagine how many more people die in our country because they could not afford the surgery, or the healthcare insurance for that matter, to get the proper procedure done that might have saved their lives. And, in terms of the pharmaceutical companies: I will work towards giving them a taste of their own medicine. I will not be sleeping with the pharmaceutical companies, and thus I have no problem pushing for legislation that might regulate prices for medications.

* * HOMELAND SECURITY (NEW):
Do you really feel safe a the airport with these TSA goons who seem like those WalMart security guards who got the job with the TSA because they couldn't get a real job. And, what makes it better, at least in Miami, half of them don't speak a word of English. It is as if the the Department of Homeland Security trades citizenship for employment, hiring all the immigrants they can to protect our transportation services. I plan to do away the the TSA and hire a real authoritative agency, with high standards, to protect our airports. the Deaprtment of Homeland Security, who is also in charge of our immigration, will now also block the borders and actually enforce our borders, making sure that no one hops a fence or rows a boat on to our shores, without getting a first class ticket (the TSA can help out here) back home to the country they came from. The "Wet Foot, Dry Foot" Policy will now get a "Big Foot" in its ass, paid for by VISA (not the credit card, but the document that they forgot to apply for).

* * TERRORISM (NEW):
If you attack the United States of America, you will die, fast. Your family will not be politely protected and flown out of our country while the rest of the U.S. sits planeless. I will not sit in a classroom, looking dumbfounded, wondering what just happened. You will be taken care of swiftly, with Special Forces taking you out. There will be no long, drawn out war on an entire country that really had nothing to do with the attack. Those responsible will be the ones to pay. And, all related parties will pay, friends and/or allies to our country or not. We leave you alone, you leave us alone, and we call it a day.

* * RELIGION (NEW):
Regardless of what my spiritual or religious practices are, none, I will keep the separation of church and state separated. Previous administrations (i.e. Bush) made us think that morals and ethics (ironic that the Bush administration would even consider knowing what ethics and morals are) are only found through Christ, God, and the church. Right and wrong should be innate ideologies that are universal, despite what belief system one follows. The 10 commandments are nothing special. They are universal codes of conduct that all people, of all backgrounds should grasp and practice. Although I am a strong believer that GOD does not belong on our money, in our pledge of allegiance, or in our courts, I will not push my beliefs on the rest of the country who might otherwise think it should be. And, if it should be decided so, then like all other bills I would sign, it will be up to vote by the people. As your President, I would want you to believe in me, and not have to pray to some god that I will do a good job.

This is my program! My first term comes with no healthcare or education or war or this or that plans. Why? 1) Because my plans mean nothing without Congress, who holds more power than I do. 2) Because my plan is to clean up the system a bit. If I can get rid of all the trash, then by my second term, all the ideas I might have in the first term could actually be implemented. I am a realist who knows that so long that we have this democratic / republican dilemma where the opposing party will do nothing to help the other, we as a country will never get anything done. This cannot be the case anymore. We need to DO. We need to progress forward. We need to repair the past and prepare for the future.

Sure I might not know arbitrary statistics on what my competition spent on the last fiscal year. But, I am sure a lot of it went to waste. Why vote for me? Because I make sense. Because I don't take shit. Because I will do what is right for the people, especially when it comes to rights. Don't be fooled by all of the tattoos, the bald head, and the fact that I did not come from a wealthy family. And, let me get it out of the way before election time...I HAVE SMOKED WEED AND I LIKED IT!!!